In my last blog, I gave some of my background. I feel as though I could continue on my past. . . but as of lately, there is so much going on, I just want to focus on working through all of that. So first of all. I am married to my best friend and the mom of two beautiful children. I am learning to live life to it's fullest right now.
I have struggled with my weight for my entire life. I had no idea why it was such a constant battle, but I did try everything I could to get a grip on it. About a year after I was married, I started gaining weight. Eating was always a way to deal with and cope with stress and trials in my life. I would get upset, and then sit down and eat. Very frustrating.
I got pregnant with my daughter in 2004 and I was very sick throughout my pregnancy. I remained nauseous and sick up until I was in the delivery room and puked on my midwife. That was pretty gross. I had gained about 20 lbs with my daughter and I had a horrible time getting it back off. A week after leaving the hospital, I ended up back in the hospital for a serious kidney infection. A month later, I was back in the hospital again with my gall bladder. My body seemed to take a very long time recovering from having my daughter, my kidney infection, and the removal of my gall bladder. One of the things that became my biggest problem was trying to lose the weight.
I was so upset with how I looked. There I was, living my largest childhood dream, holding my very own baby in my arms. . . . and I was miserable. I hated the way I looked. I hated that I didn't allow anyone to take pics of me with her or family pics of the three of us. I hated that I hid when I saw people from my past, because I didn't want them to see how terrible I looked now. I was Homecoming Queen of my High School for goodness sake, and I couldn't even face my old class mates. Most of all, I hated what I had become for my husband and daughter. When you hate yourself and reject yourself, you end up pushing others that are close to you even further away. I knew I was becoming depressed. I needed help. So, in October of 2005, I started to do some research on Gastric Bypass.
I found that out that I already had a few of the comorbidities, being the simultaneous presence of two or more morbid conditions, putting the patient in higher risk of certain issues. For Gastric Bypass, a few of these are a Body Mass Index of greater than 40, diagnosis of sleep apnea, diabetes, urinary incontinence, and many more. I got excited, because I figured I would be eligible. I called the insurance we were under at that time and found they had a written clause denying any coverage for obesity. This was upsetting to me because I was beginning to feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. I decided to try other avenues again, but I felt very discouraged.
As the years passed, I lost even more hope. I would do good, lose some weight and then plateau. It was so frustrating. I didn't know what to do anymore. It was starting to take even a bigger toll on my marriage and my relationship with my children. I knew I had to do something, but I felt trapped.
Three years later, in fall of 2008 I got a glimpse of hope. I was laying in bed and I had just failed yet at another attempt of losing weight. I leaned over and jokingly said, "honey, when can we switch insurances so I can get this much needed surgery?" He looked at me and said, that it was funny I asked because just that week at his work, his employer informed him that the company was switching insurances. That was the night my life started to change. I started to take my life back into my hands.
I was ready to find out anything and everything I could on this surgery and how to get it done. I became addicted to reading and studying all about it. I started calling people, went to a few local meetings to talk to those who had already had it done. I found out what insurance covered something like this, and all the while, gaining more and more hope.
My husband even got on board with me. He said he was tired of me hating myself. It didn't matter how much he told me he loved me, I wouldn't accept love because I didn't love myself. I had that stupid rejection still playing a big role in my life. My weight wasn't what defined me, but in my mind, it did.
The final deciding fact that pushed me toward this drastic measure was my little girl telling me that she thought she was fat. I realized she was watching me and hearing the things I was saying about myself at home. This was making an impression on her little mind. It had to STOP there. I needed to do something about my issues, before they became my children's issues. I was ready to pray and find out what the Lord had in store for me. If it be Gastric Bypass at 28 years old, then so be it. :)
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