Who am I????

I have never written anything like this before, but I feel as though I have so much inside of me that needs to come out, so here it is. My name is Michelle and I am 29 years old. I am planning on going back through my life documenting how I got to where I am now, but it feels like so much information, that I am not sure where to start. I guess I will just start typing and see where I end up.



I have always had two main goals in life:

1.) To find the man of my dreams and get married

2.) To have a family of children that I could spend my days loving.

I have been blessed with both of these dreams and now I am ready to talk about How I got to where I am today.



I guess I have never had tons of confidence in my self, and my self esteem has always lacked a little. My mother, also my best friend, spent my whole life trying to build me up and help me to love myself the way others did. However, even as a young child, the self hatred was real. I struggled with weight, even as a little girl, and I can remember it being the thing that started to steal my joy as a young child. I was considerably over weight most of my elementary school years and that lead to lots of mean comments by numerous children. I also had some of my own family that would comment on my size often and it hurt me so deep. It is one thing to have people at school who make fun of you and don't accept you, but it is another thing to have family members, who are supposed to love you unconditionally, make some of the same hurtful comments. So, as a young child, I started to feel as though my self worth was based on how I looked to other people.

Over the years, other things came about, and due to the fact that the root of rejection had already taken hold in my life, I was not ready for the heartbreaks that were to come. I believe that once rejection gets a stronghold in a person's life, their perception changes and becomes quite unbalanced. They start to see and hear things that they perceive in a total different way than it was intended. This is the road I started down very early in my life and I am going to continue to map through my journey as much for my own healing, as for the fact that I want others to see what God can do with a very broken heart.

I believe, more now than ever, that life as a Christian is not easy, but God will walk through the hard times with you and rejoice in the good times with you. He is the ultimate Healer and I hope that after I get my story out, others will be able to see him do the same healing in there life as I saw him do in mine. So this is the first of numerous entries that are on there way. I hope they can shed some light on how great God really is a loving God and he is good all the time.