I have been struggling a lot lately with "prayer" and how it works. I was raised to believe that prayer is the most powerful tool we have in our tool bag and that it should not be a last resort, but instead it should be the first thing we grab when facing any trial in life. I grew up praying for even little things, like a good hair day, or that a friend I liked would sit beside me so I wouldn't be sad in school. As a little girl, I prayed for ALL the trivial things that were significant in my little girl mind, because I believed God loved me and cared even about the smallest details. I didn't always get the answers I wanted even as a little girl, but for some reason I never questioned the prayer thing, I just literally believed and kept on praying. I guess that is where the "child like faith" comes in. :)
As I got older, I had some heartaches, the typical dating hurts, and friendship hurts, and losing a pet I loved hurts. I relied a lot on prayer in my high school years, praying for very specific things like, my future husband and my future children, and that I would GRADUATE. I prayed a lot about who I dated and about the friends I hung out with. I would always tell God what I wanted and how I thought things should go, but then I would always end with telling Him that ultimately I wanted His will in my life and His perfect plan. I knew He knew what I needed more than I did. So even when I felt that what I wanted had to be what was best for me, My mom taught me that the only way to be happy in life is to be in God's perfect will for your life. That has kind of always been a prayer of mine also.
Sure enough, he gave me my soul mate, Micah. The story was a little rocky and there were times I did question God along the way, but I kept coming back to trusting in His plan for my life. Now, here I am married to my best friend and loving it!!!
Another thing I prayed for my whole life, was for my children. I currently have 2 wonderful children that make me smile every day. They didn't come easy though. Things were tough and there were lots of times (still are) I question God "why this way?". I am not doubting who He is and I am not angry at him by any means, but I just don't always get the reasons behind all of His Plans. Again, when things didn't go as I had planned with my daughter Ava or my son Christian, I continued to remind myself that God ultimately knew what was best and He was the one I trust. Don't get me wrong, I am not disappointed at all in my life or my hubby or my children, but there are SPECIFIC things I have prayed for in my children and it seems the opposite happens. Things I literally prayed against, hoping to prevent them from the struggles I have had and yet, it seems more prominent in them than it was in my own life. I will go into more details later on.
I read books about praying for my unborn children, while they were in the womb. I read books about praying and believing positive things into my. I read articles and books on how to pray for your spouse and your family. I read about praying to break generational curses and was taught tons on how to pray for healing in areas of our lives. I have prayed with the faith of a mustard seed for a dear friend's healing from a horrible disease. I have prayed for couples that I know that God would restore their marriage. I have prayed for miracles straight from Bible time. Sometimes, often times, I did see some of the prayers answered, but usually not to the degree I was EXPECTING, or to the way I thought would be best. This brought the question to my mind and I have been fighting this question for a few years. What is Prayer? How are we to use Prayer?
I think that is where I am now. I have studied prayer over the past few years, and really tried to figure out how to use this awesome tool God gives us that we can communicate with HIM. Wow, what a privilege when you think of it, we can talk to our creator. Pretty awesome. However, I think my questioned area is . . . what is prayer really for? Do our prayers really ever have any sway with God? I don't even know if sway is the right term but I guess I mean, if we pray diligently for someone who is heartbroken, and the Bible says God is near to the brokenhearted, then do our prayers really help or is God planning to be near to them regardless of our prayers? Is HE there for them more if we are praying? Does He give them extra peace or more comfort because we carry this heartbroken person to His feet in prayer, or is He going to comfort them the same either way? Is He going to comfort someone more because I pray and ask him to comfort them. If our child is sick and we pray for them to get better, but God already knew they were not going to get better, than was it a waste to have prayed? The Bible says He hears our prayers. I do believe he does, but how does He choose when to answer them? Or maybe the question should be, how does He choose when to say yes or no to our prayers?
So, over the next few weeks, I am planning to do my own study of my heart on what prayer is to me and what I believe. Hopefully through this, God can reveal to my heart what he wants me to see and He can restore my broken spirit to be renewed and whole again. I do believe the BIBLE and everything in it, so I know Prayer is real and I want to know what God intended it for and how he intended us to use it.
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