I have been reading a book written by one of my favorite women authors. . . Joyce Meyer. The book is "Enjoying Where You are on the Way to Where You are Going." It is a good book and it has been a significant help in my life throughout the past years journey. I found that I spend too much time looking for the next high and not enjoying where I am at that very moment in time. I did this throughout my childhood, and then throughout my adolescence and now into my adult years. I couldn't wait to get married and then, the whole three years of marriage without children, well, I wished them away anticipating the arrival of my children. When I had Ava, she was not even a whole year old and I was anticipating having another, but we did foster care and ended up getting Christian when Ava was only 14 months old. Then, yup, you guessed it right, I was anticipating when they would be old enough that I could sleep again. Then when they were a few years old, I started wanting a baby again. Wow, thinking it is one thing but to see it written out is another. How terrible to be always searching, but I do this and I believe I am not the only one. In fact, many of my friends have shared they do the same thing, and then they find themselves doing exactly what I find myself doing: looking back in my life and wishing I could go back and just ENJOY those moments.
My hubby actually was a huge part in helping me to see this in myself. He said it wasn't possible to make and keep me happy. I argued because I am a pretty happy person my nature, but then he pointed out the whole life scenario of my life and I couldn't believe it. So, as I got this book, I started to get really excited when I realized that this was a common problem for many others also. I found comfort in that fact and started reading on how to find joy and be content with wherever my life was.
I will get back to this book later on, but the one chapter that stood out to me was the one that talks about while in the waiting room. That seems to be the very hardest part for me. I feel as though I have faith and I am good at keeping my head up, but my endurance isn't very good. Sometimes the waiting room, whether at a hospital or in our lives, is excruciatingly painful. When we are waiting in the waiting room at a hospital, it is usually just a time of hanging out until we get the news we want or worse, news we don't want. It can be scary and anxious and absolutely no fun at all. The only time I enjoy a waiting room is when I am waiting for the news of a new baby but even then, there is always a little anxiety there too. Let's face it, waiting for anything that we want or even the things we don't want can be almost unbearable, escpecially in a self gratifying and quick gratification kind of world. This means, we want it and we want it now.
So, as I have been focusing and working on this in my life, the time came for the "waiting room" with my heart attack. I knew God was up to something and yet, I was not sure what. I knew he had plans and he was watching out for my best interest, but I was also anxious about WHAT that was. I decided that it was time to wait and wait patiently. There wasn't anything I could do and I was going to wait with anticipation for what GREAT things God had planned for my future. I knew that he was wiser and stronger than all the doctors that seemed baffled, so I just focused on looking to him. That is really the only way I got through the week with my heart episode.
No comments:
Post a Comment