I woke up numerous times that first night in the hospital, due to the alarms hooked up to me sounding that my heart rate was too low. Whenever I would fall into my deep sleep, my heart rate would drop and then the nurse would have to come in and check on me and then reset the alarm. I was so frustrated and scared, but honestly, mostly annoyed. The night nurse told me, as she was leaving in the morning, that she was surprised I was not rushed for an emergent heart cath. during the night because my heart rate was low and something was not right. However, I made it through the night to be woke up early and wheeled down to the Eco cardiogram room to get pics of my heart. Micah was to wait up in the room for me. They told him it would be about two hours till I got back. He laid in my bed to take a little nappies.
When I got down there, the tech taking my eco cardiogram said my heart's ejection fraction was kind of low and she was alarmed at my heart rate. She scooted out to talk to my doctor, which happened to be the doctor that has been following my brother for years, and then the Dr. came to talk to me. She said she knew who I was and with my brother's history and the looks of what they were seeing with my heart so far, they were not going to put me through the heart stress test, instead they were sending me for a heart cath. Up until this point, they had felt like I had myocarditis which was like a cold of the heart, but now they were acting as though they had suspicion it was something more. I was scared. I hate needles, and procedures and I was so nervous that they were not putting me out for this particular procedure.
They wheeled me up to my room, where Micah was and he got news and rushed to call my mom at work. She decided to leave work and head to the hospital. At this point, the nurse came to get me to take me to the heart cath prep room. I was quietly praying for God to give me strength. I was SCARED. What were they going to find? Micah walked with me and prayed with me for strength and calmness. When we got down to the room, the team that was going to be with me came out and introduced themselves and then they stood there while I silently said goodbye to Micah and though I was not sobbing loudly, the tears that were streaming down my face were tears of fear and the unknown. Then they gave me some drugs to help numb me.
The Doctor came in and started the Cath. I remember them talking about all sorts of random things and then they would check on me to see if I was alright. I remember being so cold and then them telling me that their was some resistance. I was drugged enough to not remember all they said but the doctor told me something about how my hearts LAD (Left Anterior Descending) artery was not developed properly. He did show me on the picture, and he explained it like this. Every one's vessels in their hearts are larger and taper off at the end. ..mine was larger and then went extremely thin with no tapering. Kind of like a mechanical blockage. He said it was congenital, meaning I was born with it. There was no explanation why it would act up now when it had gone undiscovered for 29 years so far. However, it was too small to stint or bypass so there was nothing to do for it. Very weird, and once again, no real answers.
I got back up to my room, with weights on my legs. I was not allowed to move my legs for a few hours due to risk of complications or bleeding, because they had gone up through my femoral artery for the cath. This is common procedure, but yet again, I was so paranoid. What if I got antsy, moved a tad, and caused a blood clot to head up to my heart? However, all of this anxiety was making my chest pains more frequent. I was in a mess and I had to try and stay calm. I had lots of support and I knew many were praying but I was a bit upset that this was going on.
A few hours later, my doctor came in to talk to me. She looked at my mom and said, "how many kids do you have?" My mom told her she only had two, my brother and I, and the doctor said, "well, that is good you stopped at two." We all kind of chuckled and then she went on to tell us what she was thinking. She felt I needed to have an MRI on my heart, but this was not something this hospital had the ability to perform, so she was trying to get me transferred to another hospital. I was actually feeling better after they told me this because I was starting to feel in my spirit that something else was wrong and they needed to get to the bottom of it before they sent me home. So, at the end of the first full day in the hospital, we were sure we were heading somewhere in the next few days. Still no answers, but at least they were still searching.
Micah and my mom went and got the kids that night to make sure they could be with their daddy. They were not allowed to come and visit me because of the SWINE flu epidemic. I was so upset and missing them sooo much. Mother and children should never be separated as they are the best medicine for each other. :)
I knew I was scared but I was starting to feel a real peace about what God was asking of me. I started talking to mom and Micah about what I wanted for the kids if I was not to make it through this. I know it sounded dramatic, but I was feeling desperate. I had to make plans. I had to know my kids and hubby and mom were gonna be okay. Most of all, I pleaded with God to continue to hold my hand through this journey and in fact, actually, maybe he could just carry me, rather than walk beside me. He did just that too.
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