I have been having a bad week this week, sad about things passed and things to come and things with unknown outcomes. I feel as though I am very tired, weary and in need of some reason to get up out of bed some days. The burdens of everyone elses pain seems to be weighing so heavily on me and then of course the pain I carry of my own.
I say all this to say, Thursday night, after a pretty emotional day, I headed to band practice for our church praise band. I loved the songs that were chosen for us to sing this upcoming Sunday, but the one that hit me the hardest was the song by Hillsong, - Desert. The lyrics grabbed me and picked me right up off the ground. Songs tend to minister to my heart when I am down anyway, but this one was like a breath of fresh air.
The Desert Song Lyrics
Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides
Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
I guess the song is just a reminder to me of what I need to feel in my heart. . .no matter WHAT circumstances are in my life, no matter what BATTLE I am going through, I have the God of all God's on my side and He is the one that will carry me through. The truth is that God is still God, no matter what season of life we are in. Change is hard and along with Seasons of life come so much change, but if God is still God and still in charge, then what do I have to fear? Right? God gives me a reason to sing and a reason to worship. . . even when circumstances don't seem joyful or worthy of even a smile.
I especially like the last verse, where it talks about how we know we are filled to be emptied again, and how we are responsible to sow the seeds God gives us. I feel as though I keep trying to get filled and then I want to rest and never get empty again, because that is just easier. So here is my new heart's desire. I want God to fill me with HIM so I can sow the seeds in others, be emptied again, and come back to be filled by Him and only HIM.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Deuteronomy 28: 1-14
Praying for my children is a hard one because I am not sure what to pray. Sometimes I feel so very overwhelmed because I feel there is so much I need / should be praying and I feel as though I am going to MISS something and mess them up for life. I had a friend share this with me and I have started to speak this over my children often when they are leaving the house to go somewhere or even while they are sleeping. I thought I would share this with all of you too. :)
Deuteronomy 28: 1-14
If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high upon all the nations on earth.
All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God.
You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country
The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock – the calves of your herds and lambs of your flocks.
Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.
You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.
The Lord will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction, but flee from you in seven.
The Lord will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The Lord your God will bless you in the land he is giving to you.
The Lord will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the Lord your God, and walk in his ways.
Then all the peoples on the earth will see that you are called by the name of the Lord, and they will fear you.
The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity – in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock, and the crops of your ground – in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you.
The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none.
The Lord will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the Lord your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top and never at the bottom.
Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them.
Deuteronomy 28: 1-14
If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high upon all the nations on earth.
All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God.
You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country
The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock – the calves of your herds and lambs of your flocks.
Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.
You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.
The Lord will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction, but flee from you in seven.
The Lord will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The Lord your God will bless you in the land he is giving to you.
The Lord will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the Lord your God, and walk in his ways.
Then all the peoples on the earth will see that you are called by the name of the Lord, and they will fear you.
The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity – in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock, and the crops of your ground – in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you.
The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none.
The Lord will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the Lord your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top and never at the bottom.
Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Dreams Die - God's Purpose Never Dies
I was recently invited to a conference for women with Lynette Lewis. She is a young lady that is on fire for God, very fashion savy and just a blast to hang out with. She touched on how we all have DREAMS in our hearts. Weather they are short term or long term, they are dreams and who would be be if we didn't dream of something, or anticipate something in our lives to come. Lets face it, we are honest with ourselves, we all have dreams that we take before God. We entertain things in our minds that we hope or dream that God will bless us with. It may be a spouse or a house or children. It may be a dream to become a certain someone someday like a speaker or a teacher or an author. Some of us dream of a nice car or a dream job and some of us dream of making it big with singing, dancing, or photography. Some dream of living in other places of the world or traveling lots. There are so many types of dreams and we all have them. Some are larger than others and some are simple. Some dreams have a tendency to consume us and some are just a slight distant dream that we think "maybe someday". In any case, I think it is good to dream. It is good to keep our sites on something bigger, to anticipate with excitement about what is to come. This is what I believe our dreams are placed in our lives for, to give us HOPE.
The hardest part is that sometimes, our dreams just don't come true. Chalk it up to the fact that our world isn't perfect, or to the fact that some dreams take money and most dreams take energy and time. It is sad to think that sometimes we leave this life with unfulfilled dreams and desires. When that happens, or should we have known it was going to happen, we would have a hard time facing that and better yet, accepting it. Sometimes God says no, and to this day, I don't understand why. I was reading a devotional that said, "David heard the Lord's "no" and quietly accepted it without resentment. That's awfully hard to do. But we find in David's final recorded words a life-sized portrait of a man after God's own heart." This statement grabbed me right out of my seat.
Let me focus on this for a second. David was considered a man after God's own heart. He messed up and sinned just like me, but yet the Bible says he was a man after God's own heart. I think the part that struck me so was how he quietly accepted it WITHOUT resentment. Um, yeah, I am not so good at this. I hear God say no, and I am like a kid trying to find another angle. "well, what if I do this God, then will the answer be yes?" or "okay, God, I am a really good person and what I am asking for is from the desires of my heart, the ones You gave me, so why can't it be yes? I don't understand. What if I go to church and treat everyone really nice, then can I have this thing I desire?" I find myself doing this in the depths of my heart, pleading with God. Trying to make sense of it all. I look around and don't understand why God blessed someone else with something that I wanted so badly. Does it make sense? Is it fair? Why them and not me?
"After four decades of service to Israel, King David, old and perhaps stooped by the years, looked for the last time into the faces of his trusted followers. Many of them represented distinct memories in the old man's mind. Those who would carry on his legacy surrounded him, waiting to receive his last words of wisdom and instruction. What would the seventy-year-old king say?"
The devotional goes on to mention that he literally revealed his deepest desires and dreams of his heart. The Bible reference is (1 Chronicles 28:2). This was his biggest dream to build a temple to the Lord and he was going to die with his dreams unfulfilled in his lifetime.
Dreams are the hardest thing to let go of. Dreams die hard as said by the devotional. We can choose to do as David and focus on what blessings God has given us and what he has allowed us to do in our lifetime. For me, I am blessed to have the dreams of my childhood fulfilled. I have other dreams that I anticipate but I am choosing to be content in whatever my God has given me. This is a daily battle for me sometimes and yet, there are days it seems to be getting easier to do.
"But in his parting words, David chose to focus on what God had allowed him to do—to reign as king over Israel, to establish his son Solomon over the kingdom, and to pass the dream on to him (28:4–8). Then, in a beautiful prayer, an extemporaneous expression of worship to the Lord God, David praised the greatness of God, thanking Him for His many blessings, and then interceded for the people of Israel and for their new king, Solomon. Take some extra time to read David's prayer slowly and thoughtfully. It's found in 1 Chronicles 29:10–19"
I want to do this. I want to follow this prayer of David's heart. He chose to praise God with a GRATEFUL HEART. Not only did he chose to look forward and keep exalting our living GOD, but he did it with a grateful heart, even knowing some of his hugest dreams and desires of his heart never would be fulfilled in his lifetime. His dreams were not selfish, or even wrong, but they were just not in God's plans for his life. SO my question is how did he manage to not wallow in sadness of his unfulfilled dreams?
"Blessed are You, O LORD God of Israel our father, forever and ever. Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, indeed everything that is in the heavens and the earth; Yours is the dominion, O LORD, and You exalt Yourself as head over all. Both riches and honor come from You, and You rule over all, and in Your hand is power and might; and it lies in Your hand to make great and to strengthen everyone." (29:10–12)
Then as I read further this morning, Something else jumped out at me as to David's attitude. He never once saw what God gave him through is life as really his own stuff. He saw the people under him (his kingdom) as God's. He saw the money and the throne and the lavish material possessions as GOD's. He seemed to always keep that mindset, which didn't allow for him to have an unhealthy love for money and material things. He was not a greedy man. Can I say that of myself? Can I really look at all God has given me and see it as his. What a challenge!!! I know my husband and kids are his but I still fear them getting hurt or losing them. What if I had the mindset that they really were HIS and when He decided it was time, it was? How do I get that sort of attitude about all in my life?
Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song that Micah and I sing alot and we love what it means. We even have made up our own word to fit the songs and we sing it when we are scared of what is coming in life, to remind us that it is all HIS. The songs lyrics are:
I walk the streets of London
And notice in the faces passing by
Something that makes me stop and listen
My heart grows heavy with the cry
Where is the hope for London?
You whisper and my heart begins to soar
As I'm reminded
That every street in London in Yours
Oh, yes it is
I walk the dirt roads of Uganda
I see the scars that war has left behind
Hope like the sun is fading
They're waiting for a cure no one can find
And I hear children's voices singing
Of a God who heals and rescues and restores
And I'm reminded
That every child in Africa is Yours
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything
It's all Yours
And I walk the sidewalks of Nashville
Like Singapore, Manila and Shanghai
I rush by the beggar's hand and the wealthy man
And everywhere I look I realize
That just like the streets of London
For every man and woman, boy and girl
All of creation
This is our Father's world
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything
It's all Yours, God (Ava's Yours God)
It's all Yours, God (Micah's Yours God)
It's all Yours, God (Christian is yours God)
It's all Yours, God (My life is your God)
The glory is Yours, God
All the honor is Yours, God
The power is Yours, God
The glory is Yours, God
You're the King of Kings
And Lord of Lords
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky (From the House that we live)
To the depths of the ocean floor (to the Health of our families)
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
All the greatness and power, the glory and splendor and majesty
Everything is Yours
Yeah, it's all Yours
We are Yours
The glory and honor is Yours, everything is Yours
It's all Yours, God
My life is Yours, my heart is Yours
My hands and my feet are Yours
Every song that I sing
It's all Yours, all is Yours
All belongs to You
Our gifts are Yours, God
All our dreams are Yours, God
All our plans are Yours, God
The whole earth is Yours, God
Everything is Yours
So my point is if we can be 100% confidant that God, our LIVING GOD is truly in control of EVERYTHING we own and and want to own. EVERYTHING we love and hope to love. EVERYTHING we dream of and hope for. . then what do we have to fear. HE is in control of it all. IT is all HIS!!! And if we are serving Him and we are loving Him, then what do we have to lose. We are going to be blessed and victorious and we serve the ONE and TRUE LIVING GOD!!!! God's plans and dreams for our lives are so much better than anything we can do on our own. If we can remember to hold all of our possessions and dreams loosely and trust them all to God, we will win in the end. RIGHT? Maybe this very mentality will remind me and help me to cope with the answer "no" when I get it.
I leave you with this final closing statement taken from the devotional I read this morning. . . .
Though some dreams remain unfulfilled, a man or woman of God can respond to His "no" with praise, thanksgiving, and intercession . . . because when a dream dies, nothing of God's purposes die.
My devotional that I based this blog off of was the following website: http://www.insight.org/library/articles/bible-characters/when-god-says-no-pray.html
The hardest part is that sometimes, our dreams just don't come true. Chalk it up to the fact that our world isn't perfect, or to the fact that some dreams take money and most dreams take energy and time. It is sad to think that sometimes we leave this life with unfulfilled dreams and desires. When that happens, or should we have known it was going to happen, we would have a hard time facing that and better yet, accepting it. Sometimes God says no, and to this day, I don't understand why. I was reading a devotional that said, "David heard the Lord's "no" and quietly accepted it without resentment. That's awfully hard to do. But we find in David's final recorded words a life-sized portrait of a man after God's own heart." This statement grabbed me right out of my seat.
Let me focus on this for a second. David was considered a man after God's own heart. He messed up and sinned just like me, but yet the Bible says he was a man after God's own heart. I think the part that struck me so was how he quietly accepted it WITHOUT resentment. Um, yeah, I am not so good at this. I hear God say no, and I am like a kid trying to find another angle. "well, what if I do this God, then will the answer be yes?" or "okay, God, I am a really good person and what I am asking for is from the desires of my heart, the ones You gave me, so why can't it be yes? I don't understand. What if I go to church and treat everyone really nice, then can I have this thing I desire?" I find myself doing this in the depths of my heart, pleading with God. Trying to make sense of it all. I look around and don't understand why God blessed someone else with something that I wanted so badly. Does it make sense? Is it fair? Why them and not me?
"After four decades of service to Israel, King David, old and perhaps stooped by the years, looked for the last time into the faces of his trusted followers. Many of them represented distinct memories in the old man's mind. Those who would carry on his legacy surrounded him, waiting to receive his last words of wisdom and instruction. What would the seventy-year-old king say?"
The devotional goes on to mention that he literally revealed his deepest desires and dreams of his heart. The Bible reference is (1 Chronicles 28:2). This was his biggest dream to build a temple to the Lord and he was going to die with his dreams unfulfilled in his lifetime.
Dreams are the hardest thing to let go of. Dreams die hard as said by the devotional. We can choose to do as David and focus on what blessings God has given us and what he has allowed us to do in our lifetime. For me, I am blessed to have the dreams of my childhood fulfilled. I have other dreams that I anticipate but I am choosing to be content in whatever my God has given me. This is a daily battle for me sometimes and yet, there are days it seems to be getting easier to do.
"But in his parting words, David chose to focus on what God had allowed him to do—to reign as king over Israel, to establish his son Solomon over the kingdom, and to pass the dream on to him (28:4–8). Then, in a beautiful prayer, an extemporaneous expression of worship to the Lord God, David praised the greatness of God, thanking Him for His many blessings, and then interceded for the people of Israel and for their new king, Solomon. Take some extra time to read David's prayer slowly and thoughtfully. It's found in 1 Chronicles 29:10–19"
I want to do this. I want to follow this prayer of David's heart. He chose to praise God with a GRATEFUL HEART. Not only did he chose to look forward and keep exalting our living GOD, but he did it with a grateful heart, even knowing some of his hugest dreams and desires of his heart never would be fulfilled in his lifetime. His dreams were not selfish, or even wrong, but they were just not in God's plans for his life. SO my question is how did he manage to not wallow in sadness of his unfulfilled dreams?
"Blessed are You, O LORD God of Israel our father, forever and ever. Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, indeed everything that is in the heavens and the earth; Yours is the dominion, O LORD, and You exalt Yourself as head over all. Both riches and honor come from You, and You rule over all, and in Your hand is power and might; and it lies in Your hand to make great and to strengthen everyone." (29:10–12)
Then as I read further this morning, Something else jumped out at me as to David's attitude. He never once saw what God gave him through is life as really his own stuff. He saw the people under him (his kingdom) as God's. He saw the money and the throne and the lavish material possessions as GOD's. He seemed to always keep that mindset, which didn't allow for him to have an unhealthy love for money and material things. He was not a greedy man. Can I say that of myself? Can I really look at all God has given me and see it as his. What a challenge!!! I know my husband and kids are his but I still fear them getting hurt or losing them. What if I had the mindset that they really were HIS and when He decided it was time, it was? How do I get that sort of attitude about all in my life?
Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song that Micah and I sing alot and we love what it means. We even have made up our own word to fit the songs and we sing it when we are scared of what is coming in life, to remind us that it is all HIS. The songs lyrics are:
I walk the streets of London
And notice in the faces passing by
Something that makes me stop and listen
My heart grows heavy with the cry
Where is the hope for London?
You whisper and my heart begins to soar
As I'm reminded
That every street in London in Yours
Oh, yes it is
I walk the dirt roads of Uganda
I see the scars that war has left behind
Hope like the sun is fading
They're waiting for a cure no one can find
And I hear children's voices singing
Of a God who heals and rescues and restores
And I'm reminded
That every child in Africa is Yours
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything
It's all Yours
And I walk the sidewalks of Nashville
Like Singapore, Manila and Shanghai
I rush by the beggar's hand and the wealthy man
And everywhere I look I realize
That just like the streets of London
For every man and woman, boy and girl
All of creation
This is our Father's world
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything
It's all Yours, God (Ava's Yours God)
It's all Yours, God (Micah's Yours God)
It's all Yours, God (Christian is yours God)
It's all Yours, God (My life is your God)
The glory is Yours, God
All the honor is Yours, God
The power is Yours, God
The glory is Yours, God
You're the King of Kings
And Lord of Lords
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky (From the House that we live)
To the depths of the ocean floor (to the Health of our families)
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
All the greatness and power, the glory and splendor and majesty
Everything is Yours
Yeah, it's all Yours
We are Yours
The glory and honor is Yours, everything is Yours
It's all Yours, God
My life is Yours, my heart is Yours
My hands and my feet are Yours
Every song that I sing
It's all Yours, all is Yours
All belongs to You
Our gifts are Yours, God
All our dreams are Yours, God
All our plans are Yours, God
The whole earth is Yours, God
Everything is Yours
So my point is if we can be 100% confidant that God, our LIVING GOD is truly in control of EVERYTHING we own and and want to own. EVERYTHING we love and hope to love. EVERYTHING we dream of and hope for. . then what do we have to fear. HE is in control of it all. IT is all HIS!!! And if we are serving Him and we are loving Him, then what do we have to lose. We are going to be blessed and victorious and we serve the ONE and TRUE LIVING GOD!!!! God's plans and dreams for our lives are so much better than anything we can do on our own. If we can remember to hold all of our possessions and dreams loosely and trust them all to God, we will win in the end. RIGHT? Maybe this very mentality will remind me and help me to cope with the answer "no" when I get it.
I leave you with this final closing statement taken from the devotional I read this morning. . . .
Though some dreams remain unfulfilled, a man or woman of God can respond to His "no" with praise, thanksgiving, and intercession . . . because when a dream dies, nothing of God's purposes die.
My devotional that I based this blog off of was the following website: http://www.insight.org/library/articles/bible-characters/when-god-says-no-pray.html
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Surviving Life's Trials
I think there are many times in my life that I have felt that "I don't deserve the bad things that are happening in my life." or That "I deserve better than this." That mentality makes me very discontented because you see, the truth of the matter is I don't deserve to go to Heaven, but yet because I accepted Jesus into my heart to save me, I AM going to Heaven. What I DO deserve is to live a life of damnation in the pit of Hell because I am a sinner. I sin without knowing it even. I sin by the thoughts I have about others when I am judging them ( I justify this to myself by saying I am just speaking the truth, but really it is SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS and wrongful JUDGING), or the way I talk about someone or something that is not maybe quite edifying to their character. (This is GOSSIP but I justify it as just letting someone know I have a prayer request, so I look all Holy or something.) I sin when I fib to make myself look better. (I justify this as I am just stretching the truth a little, not telling LIES.) Oh, yeah, another one that is huge for me is having DISCONTENT in my current circumstances and COVETING what others have. There are so many more I could mention and so many more things I do wrong, but my point is, no matter how hard I try , to become the reformed GOOD CHRISTIAN, I still mess up on a daily, often minutely basis. I am a SINNER, and only by the grace of God am I even allowed to some day set foot through those pearly gates. As for now, in this world, I need to remember that I am not exempt from hardships and trials and I have to just fight the battle with my armor of God on.
I came across a teaching a few months back taken from Walk in the Word - What if I Refuse this Trial? (Job 23:10) For some reason, when something doesn't go as planned for me in my life, I get all anxious and want to know the end result NOW. I will say patience is a virtue that I do NOT have within my possession.
Some of the things that I outlined while listening to this particular sermon series I will hit on below. Hopefully this will benefit someone out there the way it helped me. Hopefully reading and writing this blog entry will once again remind me why things are not always easy and yet we have to stay the course and keep our eye on the goal. . . HEAVEN!!!
I. What if I refuse this trial? (Hebrews 12) I always think this, when things get hard, I want to run away and refuse the trial. Like Jonah ran from God and then God found him, so has God done that for me to. I have learned it is scarier to run from a trial if it is God Ordained than to hang out in a life of luxury that is not in God's will and plan for my life. With God, I can do anything
a. God allows a painful circumstance to come into my life so he can turn me into Gold This one struck me a little bit hard. I always blamed Satan for all the trials in my life and all the hardships, but what if God really does allow us to go through painful circumstances for the soul purpose of turning us into Gold? For me, a new concept. I used to pray the trials out of my life, or at least try to. What if I should welcome them to a certain extent, trusting I will be stronger for them?
b. Embrace that God is the source of this trial, he has chosen it for you
i. He is not abandoning us, he is moving into our lives
ii. God allowed it to come into our lives
iii. He knows the way that I take and when he has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.
c. Trials are like God’s discipline us as his children. Wow, this one hit me. I often give my children a command and they chose to disobey or just do it their way. I know the end result may be painful but I can also see the lesson they will learn from it, where as if I just always made choices for them, they would never really grow and learn. They may never be the confidant and successful person that I desire for them to be, so sometimes, as a parent, I have to step back and allow them to hurt and harder yet, I have to discipline them. I know in the end it will make them stronger and they will grow.
i. We get the blessing if we are trained by it
ii. I do believe God cries with us when we hurt, but he may not actually be crying over what really is happening because he sees the big picture and realizes that we are going to benefit in the long run. We will be blessed for accepting the discipline and instead of getting angry at the source of discipline, we just might anticipate the end result, trusting that GOD always has our best interest in mind and loves us.
d. Trials can lead to discouragement – so lift your drooping hands & straighten your weak knees
i. What if we are in denial
1. I have been in denial alot in my life when a trial hits. I think, "well, God loves me and I am a GOOD CHRISTIAN so He is not gonna let anything bad happen to me, RIGHT?" WRONG. sometimes it happens to be the exact opposite. First of all, I need to get rid of feeling as though I am entitled to a good life and feeling as though GOD owes me anything. It just isn't true. And as for the whole GOOD CHRISTIAN thing, well, that is Self Righteousness, once again and I need to recognize and get rid of those thoughts right away.
ii. What if we are into finger pointing
iii. What if we are into blame shifting
1. There is a problem but it is not because of me, it is because of others around me.
e. Discouragement leads to dislocation.
i. The angle creates the injury – the pressure is still on
1. Submit to God when under pressure and he will help you to stand under the pressure. I struggle with submitting to God's Will for my life sometimes, because the desires I have for my own life are such deep and strong desires.
a. If you try and get out from under the pressure, combined with the angle of the pressure and you are trying to get out, you will be dislocated. Dislocation is very serious – God wants to heal the limp
1. If you resist the trial, or pressure – it lasts much longer. This is true in a lot of ways. I have found for me, that the very things I hate, I continue to be put back into similar situations with the same result. At one point in my life, as I was throwing a "spiritual tantrum" and yelling at God for always allowing these HORRIBLE things to happen in my life, my mom looked at me and kindly stated, "Michelle, maybe if you would strop throwing a tantrum and figure out and learn what it is God is trying to teach you, then maybe you wouldn't keep ending up back in this same situation." Wisely said mama. I think it was at that point that I submitted to the trial in my life at that time and God used it to change my life. He is faithful in that way too. I do believe though that He kept allowing me to be placed in the same situation in different ways, until I submitted to what he had to teach me.
f. Strive for holiness
i. Most people don’t know what holiness is
1. If we had a little bit of it, we would understand it. It is putting behind us all the ways of the world and you get into the soul satisfying saturating presence of God in your life.
2. Without holiness we will never see the Lord
ii. When you get more holiness, you want more holiness. When you get a taste of what it is, you can't stop at just a little bit. God is going for more holiness in us when he uses trials. This is something I needed reminded of again.
g. Dislocation leads to bitterness
i. Get the trial and still refuse to embrace or accept it. I do this often. I am currently doing this now. I am told or made aware of a trial I am facing and then I want to run away and just get mad. I don't want to face it. I want to refuse and not embrace it. I don't want to be TRAINED by it which in turn means I won't obtain the Grace Of God through it.
i. I need to Help others not to fail to obtain the Grace of God
1. Fallen short of the Grace of God. Instead of submitting to the trial, you resist and rebel then refusing the trial.
2. Now you are failing to obtain the Grace of God, whether it be by white knuckling it or just choosing to not walk with God. Maybe this entails not searching for HIM in every situation or for his wisdom and knowledge. Here is one I am really guilty of most often, NOT digging in His word to get his take on things. He gave me the Bible as a guide through his life and I forget to get it out. I should use My Bible as often as I use the GPS. HMMM.
3. Just hanging on to get through. Wow this one is huge. How often do I chose to just hang on waiting for the terrible RIDE to get over, only to find out that I learned nothing and it was just extremely draining. I am always hanging on by the end of the rope or something, instead of diving into the trial to learn what I need to learn sooner, so I can get through the trying times.
4. another way to help others is by encouraging them and not allowing their trial to lead them to discouragement. I have a hard time with this for myself, let alone helping others, but it is what we are to do as friends and fellow believers.
ii. Bitterness (this is a biggie)
1. I hear what word of God says, but I feel I will be safe though I walk in the stubbornness of my heart. Yup, I have said this over some trials in my life. I hate the pain and yet I continue to follow my own stubborn ways. Makes the process a lot harder. Like when you were a kid and going to get smacked and your parents tell you not to put your hands back there. You do anyway, cause you are trying to SAVE your butt and then SMACK, now your hands and butt are both hurt. Hard lesson to learn but stubbornness is not worth the consequences. Another big one is "Don’t ask me to find a placed of joy about this, I will Never get over this." Yeah, this one speaks directly to me also.
2. I won’t let God change me.
3. Root of bitterness -
a. Clouds and distorts the way you see everything
b. Roots don’t stay roots for long – they spring up and turn into a tree. Once they are big trees they are so much harder to get rid of. . .you need alot more maintenance too.
I know this is long but I am wrapping it up. . . .so our attitude is huge when we are facing trials that are placed in our lives. Do we embrace them and allow them to change us and turn us into a shiny piece of Gold for God? or do we allow bitterness and hatred and our attitudes toward our trial take over and cause us more trouble down the road? I know as for me, I don't want to refuse the trials God has given me or placed in my life. I want to grow through them and learn from them so I can come out on the other side victorious. Anyone with me on this?
I came across a teaching a few months back taken from Walk in the Word - What if I Refuse this Trial? (Job 23:10) For some reason, when something doesn't go as planned for me in my life, I get all anxious and want to know the end result NOW. I will say patience is a virtue that I do NOT have within my possession.
Some of the things that I outlined while listening to this particular sermon series I will hit on below. Hopefully this will benefit someone out there the way it helped me. Hopefully reading and writing this blog entry will once again remind me why things are not always easy and yet we have to stay the course and keep our eye on the goal. . . HEAVEN!!!
I. What if I refuse this trial? (Hebrews 12) I always think this, when things get hard, I want to run away and refuse the trial. Like Jonah ran from God and then God found him, so has God done that for me to. I have learned it is scarier to run from a trial if it is God Ordained than to hang out in a life of luxury that is not in God's will and plan for my life. With God, I can do anything
a. God allows a painful circumstance to come into my life so he can turn me into Gold This one struck me a little bit hard. I always blamed Satan for all the trials in my life and all the hardships, but what if God really does allow us to go through painful circumstances for the soul purpose of turning us into Gold? For me, a new concept. I used to pray the trials out of my life, or at least try to. What if I should welcome them to a certain extent, trusting I will be stronger for them?
b. Embrace that God is the source of this trial, he has chosen it for you
i. He is not abandoning us, he is moving into our lives
ii. God allowed it to come into our lives
iii. He knows the way that I take and when he has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.
c. Trials are like God’s discipline us as his children. Wow, this one hit me. I often give my children a command and they chose to disobey or just do it their way. I know the end result may be painful but I can also see the lesson they will learn from it, where as if I just always made choices for them, they would never really grow and learn. They may never be the confidant and successful person that I desire for them to be, so sometimes, as a parent, I have to step back and allow them to hurt and harder yet, I have to discipline them. I know in the end it will make them stronger and they will grow.
i. We get the blessing if we are trained by it
ii. I do believe God cries with us when we hurt, but he may not actually be crying over what really is happening because he sees the big picture and realizes that we are going to benefit in the long run. We will be blessed for accepting the discipline and instead of getting angry at the source of discipline, we just might anticipate the end result, trusting that GOD always has our best interest in mind and loves us.
d. Trials can lead to discouragement – so lift your drooping hands & straighten your weak knees
i. What if we are in denial
1. I have been in denial alot in my life when a trial hits. I think, "well, God loves me and I am a GOOD CHRISTIAN so He is not gonna let anything bad happen to me, RIGHT?" WRONG. sometimes it happens to be the exact opposite. First of all, I need to get rid of feeling as though I am entitled to a good life and feeling as though GOD owes me anything. It just isn't true. And as for the whole GOOD CHRISTIAN thing, well, that is Self Righteousness, once again and I need to recognize and get rid of those thoughts right away.
ii. What if we are into finger pointing
iii. What if we are into blame shifting
1. There is a problem but it is not because of me, it is because of others around me.
e. Discouragement leads to dislocation.
i. The angle creates the injury – the pressure is still on
1. Submit to God when under pressure and he will help you to stand under the pressure. I struggle with submitting to God's Will for my life sometimes, because the desires I have for my own life are such deep and strong desires.
a. If you try and get out from under the pressure, combined with the angle of the pressure and you are trying to get out, you will be dislocated. Dislocation is very serious – God wants to heal the limp
1. If you resist the trial, or pressure – it lasts much longer. This is true in a lot of ways. I have found for me, that the very things I hate, I continue to be put back into similar situations with the same result. At one point in my life, as I was throwing a "spiritual tantrum" and yelling at God for always allowing these HORRIBLE things to happen in my life, my mom looked at me and kindly stated, "Michelle, maybe if you would strop throwing a tantrum and figure out and learn what it is God is trying to teach you, then maybe you wouldn't keep ending up back in this same situation." Wisely said mama. I think it was at that point that I submitted to the trial in my life at that time and God used it to change my life. He is faithful in that way too. I do believe though that He kept allowing me to be placed in the same situation in different ways, until I submitted to what he had to teach me.
f. Strive for holiness
i. Most people don’t know what holiness is
1. If we had a little bit of it, we would understand it. It is putting behind us all the ways of the world and you get into the soul satisfying saturating presence of God in your life.
2. Without holiness we will never see the Lord
ii. When you get more holiness, you want more holiness. When you get a taste of what it is, you can't stop at just a little bit. God is going for more holiness in us when he uses trials. This is something I needed reminded of again.
g. Dislocation leads to bitterness
i. Get the trial and still refuse to embrace or accept it. I do this often. I am currently doing this now. I am told or made aware of a trial I am facing and then I want to run away and just get mad. I don't want to face it. I want to refuse and not embrace it. I don't want to be TRAINED by it which in turn means I won't obtain the Grace Of God through it.
i. I need to Help others not to fail to obtain the Grace of God
1. Fallen short of the Grace of God. Instead of submitting to the trial, you resist and rebel then refusing the trial.
2. Now you are failing to obtain the Grace of God, whether it be by white knuckling it or just choosing to not walk with God. Maybe this entails not searching for HIM in every situation or for his wisdom and knowledge. Here is one I am really guilty of most often, NOT digging in His word to get his take on things. He gave me the Bible as a guide through his life and I forget to get it out. I should use My Bible as often as I use the GPS. HMMM.
3. Just hanging on to get through. Wow this one is huge. How often do I chose to just hang on waiting for the terrible RIDE to get over, only to find out that I learned nothing and it was just extremely draining. I am always hanging on by the end of the rope or something, instead of diving into the trial to learn what I need to learn sooner, so I can get through the trying times.
4. another way to help others is by encouraging them and not allowing their trial to lead them to discouragement. I have a hard time with this for myself, let alone helping others, but it is what we are to do as friends and fellow believers.
ii. Bitterness (this is a biggie)
1. I hear what word of God says, but I feel I will be safe though I walk in the stubbornness of my heart. Yup, I have said this over some trials in my life. I hate the pain and yet I continue to follow my own stubborn ways. Makes the process a lot harder. Like when you were a kid and going to get smacked and your parents tell you not to put your hands back there. You do anyway, cause you are trying to SAVE your butt and then SMACK, now your hands and butt are both hurt. Hard lesson to learn but stubbornness is not worth the consequences. Another big one is "Don’t ask me to find a placed of joy about this, I will Never get over this." Yeah, this one speaks directly to me also.
2. I won’t let God change me.
3. Root of bitterness -
a. Clouds and distorts the way you see everything
b. Roots don’t stay roots for long – they spring up and turn into a tree. Once they are big trees they are so much harder to get rid of. . .you need alot more maintenance too.
I know this is long but I am wrapping it up. . . .so our attitude is huge when we are facing trials that are placed in our lives. Do we embrace them and allow them to change us and turn us into a shiny piece of Gold for God? or do we allow bitterness and hatred and our attitudes toward our trial take over and cause us more trouble down the road? I know as for me, I don't want to refuse the trials God has given me or placed in my life. I want to grow through them and learn from them so I can come out on the other side victorious. Anyone with me on this?
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Overcome by the Spirit of Thankfulness
The definition of THANKFUL
1: conscious of benefit received
2: expressive of thanks
3: well pleased : glad
That describes the awesome feeling Micah and I have been having for a few weeks but finally spoke of it to each other two days ago. Let me start a little bit earlier in our story:
So, things have been like a roller coaster since we got married, started having children and made a life for ourselves. Like everyone reading this entry, we had our UPS and DOWNS, our MOUNTAINS and VALLEYS. There were times when we were on top of the world and times we were struggling to our heads above the raging waters. Luckily, God blessed us with very supportive parents on both sides and very supportive family so we could get to the other side.
I am not going to go into the details in this entry, of all the ups and downs, but I am going to say what happened this week. I was feeling it and Micah expressed it in words. We looked at each other in wonder for this is a GREAT place to be. Praise GOD!! He said to me, "I am just overwhelmed by a spirit of thankfulness and gratefulness for all God has given us and done for us." I was feeling the very thing he had just put into words. So here we are and I am going to give a few reasons why we are thankful:
Our Reasons for Giving Thanks:
1. Two very healthy and loving children that we enjoy every moment with and we often look at each other and wonder what we did that made us worthy of raising these two special children in God's eyes.
2. A wonderful Home that we love the location and everything about it. It felt like home the first day we stepped foot in it and at this point it seems like we may never leave it.
3. A marriage that God has revived and showered with his blessings and we are completely in awww of this one. But we consider it the greatest blessing/miracle and embrace it.
4. That he spared my life and gave us the opportunity to have more time on this earth as a family before he calls us home to him in Heaven
5. For sparing little man when he was burnt with coffee and though it looked bleak for him, God intervened and miraculously healed his whole body, leaving only a small scar in a very inconspicuous place to remind us of his miraculous power in our lives.
6. For the PROVISION over the four months that Micah was out of work. We were able to keep our house, vehicles and still eat. :) It ended up being something, that though Satan meant for it to be a curse, God used it to bless us. HE gave us time together as a family and we enjoyed and took advantage of every day. He provided things for us in so many ways and the verse that talks about how we shouldn't worry about what we will wear or eat, or where we will live, yup, he took care of it all. It seemed more like a huge long vacation than anything bad.
7. For family and friends that love us and support us and for the memories we have made and will continue to make through the years.
There is so many more things that are overflowing in my heart right now, but I can't go into all of them. Partly because this would be an extremely long post and mostly because my kids are in the living room shouting, "mom, please get off the computer!" so I must abide. :)
However, I do want to say that times are not always peaches and cream. We all have had and still have Ups / Downs, and Mountains / Valleys, and just times when things are not looking good. I guess my challenge for myself and for anyone reading this is keep your eyes on HIM. He really does have a plan and it is so much bigger and so much greater than anything we could ever imagine. :) Satan will spend his time here trying to pull us down and KEEP us there but if we keep our focus on the things of GOD, we will prevail. :)
I leave you with this last word:
Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
1 Chronicles 16:8
Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done.
I challenge you to take these verses to heart today and make a list in your mind or on paper, of all God has blessed you with. You may be surprised how many blessings you can actually come up with. :)
1: conscious of benefit received
2: expressive of thanks
3: well pleased : glad
That describes the awesome feeling Micah and I have been having for a few weeks but finally spoke of it to each other two days ago. Let me start a little bit earlier in our story:
So, things have been like a roller coaster since we got married, started having children and made a life for ourselves. Like everyone reading this entry, we had our UPS and DOWNS, our MOUNTAINS and VALLEYS. There were times when we were on top of the world and times we were struggling to our heads above the raging waters. Luckily, God blessed us with very supportive parents on both sides and very supportive family so we could get to the other side.
I am not going to go into the details in this entry, of all the ups and downs, but I am going to say what happened this week. I was feeling it and Micah expressed it in words. We looked at each other in wonder for this is a GREAT place to be. Praise GOD!! He said to me, "I am just overwhelmed by a spirit of thankfulness and gratefulness for all God has given us and done for us." I was feeling the very thing he had just put into words. So here we are and I am going to give a few reasons why we are thankful:
Our Reasons for Giving Thanks:
1. Two very healthy and loving children that we enjoy every moment with and we often look at each other and wonder what we did that made us worthy of raising these two special children in God's eyes.
2. A wonderful Home that we love the location and everything about it. It felt like home the first day we stepped foot in it and at this point it seems like we may never leave it.
3. A marriage that God has revived and showered with his blessings and we are completely in awww of this one. But we consider it the greatest blessing/miracle and embrace it.
4. That he spared my life and gave us the opportunity to have more time on this earth as a family before he calls us home to him in Heaven
5. For sparing little man when he was burnt with coffee and though it looked bleak for him, God intervened and miraculously healed his whole body, leaving only a small scar in a very inconspicuous place to remind us of his miraculous power in our lives.
6. For the PROVISION over the four months that Micah was out of work. We were able to keep our house, vehicles and still eat. :) It ended up being something, that though Satan meant for it to be a curse, God used it to bless us. HE gave us time together as a family and we enjoyed and took advantage of every day. He provided things for us in so many ways and the verse that talks about how we shouldn't worry about what we will wear or eat, or where we will live, yup, he took care of it all. It seemed more like a huge long vacation than anything bad.
7. For family and friends that love us and support us and for the memories we have made and will continue to make through the years.
There is so many more things that are overflowing in my heart right now, but I can't go into all of them. Partly because this would be an extremely long post and mostly because my kids are in the living room shouting, "mom, please get off the computer!" so I must abide. :)
However, I do want to say that times are not always peaches and cream. We all have had and still have Ups / Downs, and Mountains / Valleys, and just times when things are not looking good. I guess my challenge for myself and for anyone reading this is keep your eyes on HIM. He really does have a plan and it is so much bigger and so much greater than anything we could ever imagine. :) Satan will spend his time here trying to pull us down and KEEP us there but if we keep our focus on the things of GOD, we will prevail. :)
I leave you with this last word:
Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
1 Chronicles 16:8
Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done.
I challenge you to take these verses to heart today and make a list in your mind or on paper, of all God has blessed you with. You may be surprised how many blessings you can actually come up with. :)
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
God's Provision in Hard Times
My name is Micah Bumbaugh and I am 32 years old. My wife, Michelle (30) and our 2 kids, Ava (5) and Christian (4) live in south-central PA. We’ve been married for 9 years. We listen to your radio show on WCRH 90.5 out of Williamsport, MD. Recently, you asked for anyone to write and tell you about how God has helped you through the current economy. Well, we have such a story. God has been so good, it will be hard to find a concise way to tell it. I’ll try to just hit the highlights.
I lost my job on January 6, 2011. I’m a physical therapist assistant and work mainly in nursing homes. Due to recent changes in Medicare reimbursement for therapy, I have found it difficult to find a new job. I was able to find anywhere from 8-15 hours a week, but nothing consistent. I’m also drawing partial unemployment.
Around the middle of January (about 2 weeks after losing my job), I felt the Lord asking us to give 20%, instead of our usual 10%. We’ve always been faithful tithers and God has come through for us, financially, countless times in our marriage. So this wasn’t such a foreign idea, but I just wasn’t sure how to feel about it. I know we can’t outgive God, but I was still uneasy about it. Well about 2 days later, Michelle came to me and said that she also felt the Lord had spoken to her about the exact same thing!! So it was confirmed that that was what we were to do. So we gave 20% for the month of January.
About 2 weeks later, I went to get our taxes done. And our return was considerably larger than normal years. God literally gave the extra 10% right back and then some!! And during this time, we’ve not fallen behind on any payments and even still have a small surplus for emergency expenses. Only God could do this.
I have really enjoyed these last few months with my family. And to be completely honest, we’ve not really been stressed at all. We’ve spent a lot of time together and my kids do not want me to return to work!! We’ve had several people tell us “we can’t believe how calm you are about this whole thing”. We’ve taken that as a huge compliment. When you trust “do not worry about what you will eat or drink, where you will sleep, what you will wear”, you can live in peace no matter what the situation. So we have chosen to enjoy this time. Ava starts kindergarten in the fall, so we can’t think of a better time for this to happen to us. They are only this little once. So I’m trying to cherish every moment. But without God’s peace, I couldn’t do that. And I’m so blessed to have a wife who is on board with this peace as well. Her not being stressed has been a huge encouragement to me.
At the beginning of May I received a call for a 13 week traveling assignment, beginning May 31, ending Sept 2. The commute is about an hour and 10 mins each way, but the pay is really good. At least I’ll have full time work for the summer. I don’t know what Sept 3 holds, but God does. So He’ll take us across that bridge then.
Now I want to back up a little. Because the story above is a culmination of literally years of God proving Himself to us. Without this history, we could not have enjoyed my time off. So I’d like to share with you my personal money testimony.
Throughout my teen years and into my mid 20s, I struggled mightily with the love of money and it caused me to get angry a lot with Michelle and cause strife in our marriage (mainly due to our different spending habits). About 2 years into our marriage, the Lord broke me of the love of money.
At the time, my mother-in-law was part of a prayer ministry that served to pray for people for physical and emotional healings. They met every Thursday evening. I was diagnosed with Scoriatic arthritis when I was 14 and had lived since then in a good bit of daily pain. So they were going to pray for my physical healing.
The week before they prayed for me, my wife went to the Thursday evening meeting with her mom (without me). Prior to this particular evening, my mother-in-law spoke to one of her prayer partners, Jim, and told him that I wanted to get prayer for physical healing from arthritis (she didn’t tell him anything else about me). She asked him to begin praying to see if God would direct him with any discernment for me. At the end of the evening, Jim came over to my wife and gave her a pamphlet. He told her that there was something in this pamphlet that the Lord wanted me to hear. And if I didn’t get control of this area of my life, he felt God said 2 things would happen: 1) I would be in more physical pain than I could stand, and 2) God said He would lift His hand of protection over me.
So she came home and gave it to me. I opened the pamphlet and the first word was “money”. The entire pamphlet was about the love of money. Only God could have told Jim this about me. Michelle and I prayed together on the spot and asked God to free me from this burden. And this was one time when God said an outright yes to one of my prayers. It was a process to let it go completely, but there was a significant amount of immediate freedom.
We had Ava about 2 years later. Michelle’s life-long dream was to be a homemaker and mother. So she quit work when she was 8 months pregnant and has never returned to work. It doesn’t make (worldly) sense to cut your income in half and have your expenses go up. But God is bigger than the world. I can’t tell you how many times He has intervened in our finances. God put me in positions at work where there were places for advancement and I was promoted into a management position. Within a few years, I was making almost as much as we were with 2 incomes!! Only God could have done that. And it wasn’t always easy, but we always had peace. There were months when we only had a few dollars to our name, but all our bills were paid and we had a place to live and food to eat and most importantly, each other.
At this point, we’re continuing to take it one day at a time. We have peace that no matter what comes our way, God already has it taken care of.
I lost my job on January 6, 2011. I’m a physical therapist assistant and work mainly in nursing homes. Due to recent changes in Medicare reimbursement for therapy, I have found it difficult to find a new job. I was able to find anywhere from 8-15 hours a week, but nothing consistent. I’m also drawing partial unemployment.
Around the middle of January (about 2 weeks after losing my job), I felt the Lord asking us to give 20%, instead of our usual 10%. We’ve always been faithful tithers and God has come through for us, financially, countless times in our marriage. So this wasn’t such a foreign idea, but I just wasn’t sure how to feel about it. I know we can’t outgive God, but I was still uneasy about it. Well about 2 days later, Michelle came to me and said that she also felt the Lord had spoken to her about the exact same thing!! So it was confirmed that that was what we were to do. So we gave 20% for the month of January.
About 2 weeks later, I went to get our taxes done. And our return was considerably larger than normal years. God literally gave the extra 10% right back and then some!! And during this time, we’ve not fallen behind on any payments and even still have a small surplus for emergency expenses. Only God could do this.
I have really enjoyed these last few months with my family. And to be completely honest, we’ve not really been stressed at all. We’ve spent a lot of time together and my kids do not want me to return to work!! We’ve had several people tell us “we can’t believe how calm you are about this whole thing”. We’ve taken that as a huge compliment. When you trust “do not worry about what you will eat or drink, where you will sleep, what you will wear”, you can live in peace no matter what the situation. So we have chosen to enjoy this time. Ava starts kindergarten in the fall, so we can’t think of a better time for this to happen to us. They are only this little once. So I’m trying to cherish every moment. But without God’s peace, I couldn’t do that. And I’m so blessed to have a wife who is on board with this peace as well. Her not being stressed has been a huge encouragement to me.
At the beginning of May I received a call for a 13 week traveling assignment, beginning May 31, ending Sept 2. The commute is about an hour and 10 mins each way, but the pay is really good. At least I’ll have full time work for the summer. I don’t know what Sept 3 holds, but God does. So He’ll take us across that bridge then.
Now I want to back up a little. Because the story above is a culmination of literally years of God proving Himself to us. Without this history, we could not have enjoyed my time off. So I’d like to share with you my personal money testimony.
Throughout my teen years and into my mid 20s, I struggled mightily with the love of money and it caused me to get angry a lot with Michelle and cause strife in our marriage (mainly due to our different spending habits). About 2 years into our marriage, the Lord broke me of the love of money.
At the time, my mother-in-law was part of a prayer ministry that served to pray for people for physical and emotional healings. They met every Thursday evening. I was diagnosed with Scoriatic arthritis when I was 14 and had lived since then in a good bit of daily pain. So they were going to pray for my physical healing.
The week before they prayed for me, my wife went to the Thursday evening meeting with her mom (without me). Prior to this particular evening, my mother-in-law spoke to one of her prayer partners, Jim, and told him that I wanted to get prayer for physical healing from arthritis (she didn’t tell him anything else about me). She asked him to begin praying to see if God would direct him with any discernment for me. At the end of the evening, Jim came over to my wife and gave her a pamphlet. He told her that there was something in this pamphlet that the Lord wanted me to hear. And if I didn’t get control of this area of my life, he felt God said 2 things would happen: 1) I would be in more physical pain than I could stand, and 2) God said He would lift His hand of protection over me.
So she came home and gave it to me. I opened the pamphlet and the first word was “money”. The entire pamphlet was about the love of money. Only God could have told Jim this about me. Michelle and I prayed together on the spot and asked God to free me from this burden. And this was one time when God said an outright yes to one of my prayers. It was a process to let it go completely, but there was a significant amount of immediate freedom.
We had Ava about 2 years later. Michelle’s life-long dream was to be a homemaker and mother. So she quit work when she was 8 months pregnant and has never returned to work. It doesn’t make (worldly) sense to cut your income in half and have your expenses go up. But God is bigger than the world. I can’t tell you how many times He has intervened in our finances. God put me in positions at work where there were places for advancement and I was promoted into a management position. Within a few years, I was making almost as much as we were with 2 incomes!! Only God could have done that. And it wasn’t always easy, but we always had peace. There were months when we only had a few dollars to our name, but all our bills were paid and we had a place to live and food to eat and most importantly, each other.
At this point, we’re continuing to take it one day at a time. We have peace that no matter what comes our way, God already has it taken care of.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Home Safe and Sound?
Life took awhile to really settle back down. We joked around a lot but mostly in denial of what had happened. It took a bit to get a routine started again and luckily we had lots of family and friends to support us and rally around us. Many came to our rescue from cleaning my house to helping me watch the kids. IT was hard sitting while allowing someone else to clean and do all the dirty work, but I had forceful and loving family and friends who stood beside us all the way.
I was on a no driving or lifting restriction and this was hard for the kids to understand. They couldn't comprehend why mommy had left in the first place and then it was hard for them to comprehend me not being able to carry them or even to lift them on my lap. They quickly learned to climb on my lap on their own, but it was still an adjustment. I was also VERY TIRED. I would catch myself looking forward to, even dreaming about, that night when it was time to go to bed. Often I was in bed and sleeping by 8:00 p.m. This was new to me too since I used to never get to bed before midnight or even 1:00 the next morning.
Like I said, Lots of adjustments. Things were different and one of these differences was I had NO EMOTION about anything. I was tired and just sort of out of touch with life. I felt very disconnected with people and even my husband and kids. I was depressed which was a very common thing after a heart attack but also very strange to feel so out of touch with others. I would go out to with friends and sit there and smile, but I was so so lonely and empty inside. That was a long going feeling that lasted for a few months. My doctor did up my prozac but it only seemed to make me less depressed but not more connected. This was a very hard time in my life. Challenging and yet I found myself wishing I had died so I could be done with all of this and in Heaven. I was scared to death that I was going to have another heart attack and I was scared I wouldn't have one too. It was the strangest time in my life. I thought things like my kids would be better off without me and my husband would too. Stupid thoughts, but it really is how I felt.
During this dark time of my life, I felt bad that I wasn't praising God I was alive. I should be right? People all around me were telling me how grateful they were that God chose to spare me, but why wasn't I grateful? I just had NO EMOTION, once again. The next few weeks, even months proved to be long and hard but the end result is better and more blessed than I could ever have imagined. I will get to that later.
So, now I am home and safe. . . or as safe as they could guarantee a 29 year old that had just had a heart attack. Now started the journey of my new and blessed life that was to follow my long exhausting recovery.
I was on a no driving or lifting restriction and this was hard for the kids to understand. They couldn't comprehend why mommy had left in the first place and then it was hard for them to comprehend me not being able to carry them or even to lift them on my lap. They quickly learned to climb on my lap on their own, but it was still an adjustment. I was also VERY TIRED. I would catch myself looking forward to, even dreaming about, that night when it was time to go to bed. Often I was in bed and sleeping by 8:00 p.m. This was new to me too since I used to never get to bed before midnight or even 1:00 the next morning.
Like I said, Lots of adjustments. Things were different and one of these differences was I had NO EMOTION about anything. I was tired and just sort of out of touch with life. I felt very disconnected with people and even my husband and kids. I was depressed which was a very common thing after a heart attack but also very strange to feel so out of touch with others. I would go out to with friends and sit there and smile, but I was so so lonely and empty inside. That was a long going feeling that lasted for a few months. My doctor did up my prozac but it only seemed to make me less depressed but not more connected. This was a very hard time in my life. Challenging and yet I found myself wishing I had died so I could be done with all of this and in Heaven. I was scared to death that I was going to have another heart attack and I was scared I wouldn't have one too. It was the strangest time in my life. I thought things like my kids would be better off without me and my husband would too. Stupid thoughts, but it really is how I felt.
During this dark time of my life, I felt bad that I wasn't praising God I was alive. I should be right? People all around me were telling me how grateful they were that God chose to spare me, but why wasn't I grateful? I just had NO EMOTION, once again. The next few weeks, even months proved to be long and hard but the end result is better and more blessed than I could ever have imagined. I will get to that later.
So, now I am home and safe. . . or as safe as they could guarantee a 29 year old that had just had a heart attack. Now started the journey of my new and blessed life that was to follow my long exhausting recovery.
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